Amazing Grace . . .

That saved a wretch like me.

For many years, I had the wonderful privilege of playing Mary, the mother of Jesus in my church's production of the Easter Story.  The production depicted the story from the time Jesus entered Jerusalem, the last supper, the Garden of Gethsemane, the arrest, trial, beating, crucifixion and finally the resurrection.  I did not speak ~ not a word.  I looked on and cried ~ a lot.

I often received compliments for how well I acted out the depth of emotion.  Every year my response was the same ~ thank you.  But inside I was thinking it wasn't because I'm a good actress, those were real tears, real gut wrenching sobs ~ just undeniably raw, intense and grateful gut wrenching sobs.

I lost count so I don't remember how many years I played the part, but each year I spent about a few weeks always on the edge of spilling tears.  See, it wasn't just the performances, but re-enacting and living the intense emotion through rehearsals as well.  I am not complaining, because all those tears as hot as they felt running down my face, were cleansing and healing beyond imagining.

I wasn't just crying because I empathized with Mary.  Of course I imagined the pain she must have felt watching her Son be put to death in such a horrific manner and yet knowing that just as her womb was chosen by God to be the vessel for the Christ-child, that her Son was fulfilling the promise of all time.  I was also crying in amazement at the incredible sacrifice of the Lamb of God.  He did this for me, for you, for all humankind and for one reason ~ because He loves us so much and He wants to be with us forever.
 
When I looked on as He was being beaten, nailed to and then hung on the cross, I looked on as a mother.  But the moment I touched Him and crumpled at the foot of the cross, the gut wrenching sobs came because I was crying for me . . . for the times when I was dishonest, selfish, mean, jealous, lied, manipulative . . . well the list could go on.  For every good thing I am or have done, there are so many things I have said and done that leave me in abject shame.  In that moment, I was struck with the depravity that exists in humankind ~ which includes me.  And yet, God so graciously and lovingly suffered for me, for my sins, for all our sins, so that we can live forever and know a love beyond compare and the tears flowed ~ tears of pain, tears of sorrow, tears of apology ~ but mostly tears of gratefulness for the beautiful gift of amazing grace.